Eggcordian Fold, Four Views: A Book Design (Photographs)

"Push Comes to Shuffle..." or Shuffle Stuff: a Nonsense Glossarhyme

When push comes to shuffle,
one shuffles along.
Off to Buffalo shuffle,
like's done in Al's song.*

     * Al Dubin and Harry Warren introduced

their song "Shuffle Off to Buffalo" in the 

1933 musical film "42nd Street." It must 

not be confused with Noble Sissle and

Eubie Blake's 1921 Broadway show

"Shuffle Along."

When shuffleboard's offer'd,
a shuffle pass may
lend one's shuffle dance lev'rage
to carpe the day.

When shuffling one's feet,

as Burt Shevelove does,

price, then purchase, a snow shuffle.

Why...? Just because.

As regards mortal coils

which require shuffling off,

shite's what's shuffled -- from Augean Stables!

(You scoff...?)

"From dreams recollected..." What It Is & Where It's From: A Nonsense Rhyme

From dreams recollected. From fancies confected.
(It's nothing Bill Veeck did, nor reckless Glenn Beck did.)
Debuts unsuspected. D'ja vus resurrected.
(It's nowt Bela Fleck did nor aught Chiang Kai Shek did.) 

Affected. Reflected. Ex more inspected.
Finessed a la Greque, though by Shrek undetected.
(It's nothing no Czech nor no dead Zapotec did,
nor nowt Lech Walesa nor Gregory Peck did.)

Its lemmas? Dissected. Heck! Hypercorrected.
(Nowt Halo nor Breck nor no Antarctic trek did.)
It's ever respected. It's left disinfected.
(Nor -- just for effect -- is it something Cal Tech did.)

Perfection? Neglected when interconnected.
Erected in texts. Into tracts architected.
It's schtick Prilosec, plus an old tarot deck, did...
what "Nescio autem non volo noscito"* did.
     * In Latin, very roughly, "I dunno...an' I don' wanna know."

"Drumpf and his kids to our country's laid siege..." Noblesse, No Less: Drumpf Nonsense

Drumpf and Drumpf's kids
to our country laid siege.
I call it vice.
They cry, "Noblesse oblige!"

Drumpf spreads for Putin
like crackers for cheese.
To each, t'other's "noble."
So: noblesse...? Oh, please!

Senior touts Norquist,
claims Grover holds keys.
I call it blackmail.
Drumpf...? "Noblesse goatees."

Senior's small hands
fondle gals' As and Ts.
They shout, "Abuse!"
Drumpf cries, "Noblesse nookees!"

Junior'd keep Bangalore's
brides on their knees.
He cites, "Their rules."
I cry, "No! Less suttees!"

Senior'd have teachers
pack heat while they teach.
He...? "It's for safety."
Me...? "Shit! Let's impeach!"

"One puff is a pastryt..." Let Me Puff!: A Nonsense Puff Piece (from What A's Not For)

One puff is a pastry. One puff is a gust.
One puff is a sleeve. One's a claim.
One puff's a capacitance unit: pF.
(So: who gave Puff the rapper his name?)

One puff is an adder. One puff is a breather.
One Puff is a ground-attack plane.
One Puff is a slick sonar system for subs.
(So: who's playing with Puff -- Dick or Jane?)

One pouffe is a hairdo. One poof is a gay.
One puff is a public debate.
One Puff is a volcanic ash tracking model.
(So: who puffed that Puffed Wheat we ate?)

One Puff is a folksinger's magical dragon.
One puff's a medicinal herb.
But the best puff's a present-tense, English, cohortative,
first-person singular verb.

"Take a Mother of Invention..." AmalgaMates, AmalgaMarriages & AmalgaMavens: Abecedarial Caricatures

Take a Mother of Invention.
Tack on terminal detention.
Ne'er a cuter persecute.
Alter ego? Sheik Yerbouti.                             Anne Frank Zappa

Poke a '10' -- one lithe and lanky.
Yoke her to the New Yo'k Yankee.                  Bo Derek Jeter

We've been attacked, shellac'd, Iraq'd.
We've sure been meg'lomaniac'd.
Who best to research and redact
our "Tarzan Does the Tal'ban" tract?              Condoleezza Rice Burroughs

He trilled "My Peggy Sue-a-hoo,"
then thrilled us in that tome by Tru                Buddy Holly Golightly

Ubercop (the best of Chester)
spliced his genes with GynoJester.                 Dick Tracy Ullman

Plu-poetess -- no sonneteer --
she won a prize but lost an ear.                     Edna St. Vincent Van Gogh

His lips, 'twixt sips, drip quips sarcastic.
Plastic ears? Attached with mastic.                 Fat Jack Leonard Nimoy 

This tree-tall tourist trots the globe,
becomes Miss McEnroeophobe.                      Goose Tatum O'Neal

Arrives as FDR departs. 
With him, bucks stop but bugg'ry starts.         Harry S. Truman Capote

With friends like these* (all "homes" he had)

you'd think he'd banish boys who're bad.**    Isiah Thomas the Tank Engine

     * Percy, James, Gordon...

     ** Laimbeer, Rodman, Mahorn...

Who quells a Cuban Missile Crisis
yells, "Eleven herbs and spices!"                    JFKFC

Green velveteen? It’s never easy.
This bean’s spleen’s lean, mean and sleazy.    KerMitt the Romney 

He bids his nymphets, “Let’s pretend."

(Are di’monds still this churl’s best friend?)      Lewis Carroll Channing

Dismissed as a harlot by Pinkerton (varlet!),

this missy play’d Prissy to Vivien’s Scarlett.    Madame Butterfly McQueen

He trilled re Gioconda’s smile. 
They killed him. (Bye, Br’er Batophile.)          Nat King Kong 

Mean fiends he beans with beams of light. 
His caffeine beans be outta sight.                  Obi Juan Valdez

This pale, peculiar juvenile 
is Hitler’s tool – and hot as “heil!”                  Pee Wee Hermann Goering 

Her “pot and pan” is Ferdinand. 
She hassles Transylvanialand.                       Queen Isabella Lugosi 

No frump: a goddess, deemed domestic, 
humping iron. (Seems catachrestic.)              Roseanne Arnold Schwarzenegger 

Olympic oro won as minor. 
Famous, though, for one one-liner.                Sonja Henny Youngman 

Eyes? True blue. Skin? Faux-bronze. So: 
how’s his journalism? Gonzo!                         Tab Hunter Thompson   

Hailed ‘has-been” by a “never-was,” 
he’s not your nephew, bro or cuzz.                 Uncle Sam Donaldson

She’d love to lead you to the lighthouse. 
Too far out? How’s ‘bout the White House?      Virginia Wolf Blitzer

His nom de nursey is Edward. 
Does he nudge his nation red-ward?                Winnie the Putin 

“Fretful,” “frightful,” “for the birds.” 
(Not mine but Xenophon’s harsh words.)          Xanthippe Hedrin

Cops to more than fifteen Grammies. 
Tops my list of heinous mammies.                   Yo Yo Ma Barker 

Cinematic. Pre-Socratic. 
Eliatic. Enigmatic.                                           Zeno of Elia Kazan

"There bides a bigly man..." Bigly: A Prediction

There bides a bigly man
who sports an orange tan
'neath bigly yellow hair.
So sad: he's not all there.

Not seldom does he bawl:
"I'll build a bigly wall,
and Mexico will pay.
(I'm bigly, by the way.)" 

Far worse, this bigly dude
with Putin did collude
to guarantee a win --
which is a bigly sin.

But Mueller's on the case.
Rob's bigly database
will prove Drumpf did the crime.
Will Drumpf do bigly time...?

"Who mal-mouths men..." Regalia: A Nonsense Alphabet in Rhyme (from What A's Not for)

Who mal-mouths men for mismatched clothes 
must know what who's not no one knows:
all suits (such duds these dudes drag on!)
aren't suitable for ev'ry john.

Aren't armbands apt for activists?

(Weren't you, once, one of those?)

Aren't boas built for blondes ("Les Gilt")

in pumps and fishnet hose?

Aren't Cardigans collegi'ns costumes -- 

seen on senior fellows

smoking briars in their libraries

("...the beechwood and the bellows...")?

Aren't dickeys, donned by dapper dons,

to deans and docents sold?

Aren't epaulettes and earmuffs worn

by ensigns catching cold?

Fedoras aren't for females.

They're for fellas -- Indianas,

Michael Landrys, Lester Youngs...

(For their fedoras they're bananas!)

Aren't galluses the garb of grandpas

('zaydes' if they're Jews)?

Aren't H'wai'an shirts "haut cout" 

for Honolulu'ns on a cruise?

Aren't ice bags for inebriates,

to keep hung hotheads cool?

Aren't jodhpurs for the jet set

at the Spanish Riding school?

Aren't kilts the kit of Scottish knights --

Kincaid clan kin included?

Legwarmers warm lads' legs,

lest limbs catch chills because denuded.

Don't mousquetaires make mitts

for musketeers -- not mice, not moose?

Aren't neckties for the natt'lly dressed --

knots knotted tight, not loose?

Orchids, pince-nez, quivers, muffs:

for whom might those togs be?

For fleurphiles, Poirots, Quinns, Pierrots

and Royals...suitably.

Are spats not for sophisticates?

I know so few. (You do?)

Are teddies not for Ts and As?

(Transvestites tout 'em, too.)

Aren't underpants default for uncles

unemployed (sans jobs)?

Are vests not viscounts' vestments --

and for vestiges of slobs?

Aren't Wellingtons (originally

worn by Duke of same)

now worn by weekend gardeners?

(Is Monty Don to blame?)

Xylóxabats (they're wooden shoes): 

are they not for the Dutch?

Are yarmulkas not for yeshiva boys'

"nice Yiddish touch"?

Aren't zippered and well-padded

body stockings for Zen Buddhists

who, while striving for dokugo,

also relish being nudists?

So: what is Man without his clothes?

I know: one who's not no one knows

that clothes aren't always in demand --

unless they're a designer brand.

"Since when are Gs (gasp!) energies...?" Physics Distichs: A Nonsense in Rhyme

Since when are Gs (gasp!) energies?
Does antimatta matta?

Which pitch-dark night might speed of light
Al's* light-speed limit shatta?

Whose razzmatazz frames physics, as
our cosmos waxes fatta?

Why'd physicists pick psychic twists
to machinate their data?
     * Relativity's Albert Einstein, of course.

"My Russian dramatic fave..." The "I'm Not Bald!" Eagle: Portrait of a Con Artist

My Russian dramatic fave? Chekhov's The Seagull.
Norwegians who'll trigger your tears? Edvard Grieg'll.
The canine folks learn to love? Peke-... Wait! The Beagle!
Worst guilty obsession? (Is Oprah illegal?)
What weakens one's will to win? Chronic fatigue'll.
Our favorite dead princess? Di [sob] was so regal.
And who's more distressing than Ben "Bugsy" Siegel?
A golden-vibrissae'd (Drumpf: "I'm not bald!") eagle. 

"There's this dick down the Dales..." About Andy: a Limerick (from AmalgaMates_

(Dalziel, a not uncommon Scottish surname, is pronounced, more or less, Dee-ELL. 'Dick' is slang for detective, and, while Andy is a detective superintendent, he's also a vulgar prick as well. 'The Dales' refers to the Yorkshire Dales, Andy's patch. The author of the Dalziel and Pascoe novels is Reginald Hill (in standard orthography). 'Tha' is thou or you in Scots dialect.)

There's this dick down the Dales dubbed Dalziel.

He puts partner Pete Pascoe through helziel.

In Hilziel's novels' accounts

his name's hard to pronounce,

and, I'll telziel tha as welziel, hard to spelziel.