"Am I right to suppose..." Following Carl; or, Dressed for Succession? (from What A's Not For)

Am I right to suppose
I know no one who knows
if this Neil deGrasse Tyson guy
chose his own clothes...? 

Need I further confess
that it's anyone's guess
if this boss Cosmosnaut bothers
aught as to dress...?

My poor brain's in a spin:
Tyson's trousseau's a sin!
Minus neckwear, who'd trek where
no man's ever been...?

Nor it sure wouldn't hurt
to Ann Druyan to blurt,
"Have you tried to provide Neil
Carl's turtleneck shirt...?"

"I've got just the one kidney..." Just The One: Diagnosis & Inquiry

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Yep! Only the one.
     Were I, 
somehow, to lose it, why, then I'd have none.
     I've got 
just the one kidney, a snap-bean-shaped curve
     I could 
sever in twain, had I requisite nerve.

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Time was, I had two.
     So: why 
vanish'd the second...? I'm sure I've no clue.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. What caused this, I'm told,
     was a 
tumble I took when but half a week old.

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Some claim they've got three.
     How I 
wish I own'd extras, but, hey...that's just me.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. (I scarf kidney pie
     when I 
breakfast in Brighton, nor've never known why.)

     I've got 
just the one kidney. It's one I can't spare.
     For as 
long as I've got it, I'm walking on air.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. Friends boast they've a few,
     to which, 
someday, they'll stake me. How many have you...?

"Question poet Rainer Rilke..." Ilka Bilk: A Nonsense Rhyme (from AmalgaMates)

Question poet Rainer Rilke. Ask the Castro's Harvey Milk.
Put the screws to Sergeant Bilko. Grill each counsel taking silk:
"If thrice-married Ilka Chase wed clarinetist Acker Bilk,
could you your nonsense demons face...? Would you acknowledge Ilka Bilk...?"

Enjoin the junkster Michael Milken. Query dunkster "Highlight" Wilkins.
Sweat "Twelve Days"'s maids a-milkin.' Needle newsman Dexter Filkins:
"Were it true that Ilka Chase got hitched to Mr. Acker Bilk,
would you forgive with style and grace...? Or would you taser Ilka Bilk...?"

Through the wringer put a silkie. Pick the brains of Wendell Wilkie. 
Quiz Britt (Mai) or Sommer (Elke). Ask 'em all, and all their ilk: "Hey!
Had the former Ilka Chase plied troth to now-dead Acker Bilk,
might ya'll commit the coup-de-grace and slap the face of Ilka Bilk...?"

Ask who pens a J. S. Mill key. Check each army sergeant's drill key.
Wait, and watch, and wonder, "Will Keye Luke be renamed "Buttermilk...?"
(But I digress.) Had Ilka Chase declared "I do" to Acker Bilk,
would you choose user interface to plead the case of Ilka Bilk...?

"Who bans the paths of least resistance..." Einstein on Nonlocality: A Particle Physics Lesson in Rhyme

Who bans 
the paths of least resistance,
panning 
peaceful coexistence...?
Albert, 
dissing his assistants:
"Spooky 
action at a distance."

"There once was a Jew name o' Jesus..." Fools for Gods: Religious Figures in Limericks (from What A's Not For)

There once was a Jew name o' Jesus
who kept sep'rate his meat from his cheeses.
Said this Naz, "Give the Lord
all that thou canst afford.
Give the king all the bling that be Caesa's."

There once was a Meccan -- Mohammed.
Friends wrote down stuff Moh said, 'cuz Moh stamm'ed.
"Gi-...gi-...give alms,"Moh'd say.
"Pray fi-...five times each day!
"De-...decap each cha-...chap who's ha-...hamm'ed."

'Midst Egyptian-born Juden lived Moses
who deemed one god "mui big quelque chose." Is
that stone tablet Mose shows
proving fruitful...? God knows!
(Re the seventeen typos: were those his...?)

A Hindu, Siddhartha Gautama,
was a fan of both Sramma and Brahma.
(Siddh's statues, you'll notice,
show Siddh in Full Lotus
and, often, without his pajama.) 

A Latter-Day Saint known as Smith
judged monogamous marriage "a myth."
Thirty women Smith wived.
In such style, Smitty thrived.
(On his death bed, Smith pleaded the fi'th.) 

In his youth, Mrs. Luther's boy Martin
Catholicity hadn't his heart in.
First, he's dissing the Pope,
with whom Marty can't cope. 
Next, a brand-new religion Mart's startin.' 

Have you heard of the Puritan Fox,
a Dissenter clear down to his socks...?
George makes oodles of Friends
as his way west George wends.
(That ain't George on your cereal box.)

People chastise the Calvinist John,
who was born in the town of Noyon:
"You twee textual critic: 
you're anti-Semitic!
What's more, you abhor the Qur'an!"

What a grim Graham cracker was Billy,
panning predestination so shrilly.
Now Bill's gone to his rest.
Will God yell, "Ya'll de best!"...?
Or will Will's welcome prove a tad chilly...?

"It's graey todaey..."

It's graey todaey.
Todaey's so-o-o graey
it's spelt with 
'e-'augmented 'a.'

"Levi narrates..." Stops & Golem (in What A's)

Levi narrates in his tome 
how Jesus stops at Eboli.
Silent Calvin Coolidge stops: 
"I do not choose to run," hums he.
Tecumseh Sherman never stops 
till standing knee-deep in the sea.
Won't someone somewhere somehow 
stop Dar-r-rumph...?

In "Itch," when Mar'lyn's dress unfurls, 
her mise-en-scene stops traffic, nu...?
"The Schnozz" Durante's "Stop da music!" 
helps Miranda struggle through.
Rob Frost makes stopping by a woods on snowy eves 
the thing to do.
Won't someone somewhere somehow 
stop Dar-r-rumph...?

Who croons "The Man That Got Away"? 
'Tis Judy -- as she stops the show.
Miss Merman's murmur stops a train 
when Ethel sings "Blow, Gabr'el, Blow!"
Esiason stops on a dime, surveys the field, 
lets fly his throw.
Won't someone somewhere somehow 
stop Dar-r-rumph...?

Hey! Stop the presses! "His Harangues 
Have Hasten'd Hateful Haters' Hate!"
Say "Stop the bleeding!" sure. 
(One only hopes that stop comes not too late.)
Dar-r-rumph might stop a bullet. 
Would such outcome prove too harsh a fate...?
Won't someone, in the meantime, 
stop Dar-r-rumph...?

"Were I mad for Amadeus..." A Middle Nonsense (Goes A Long Way): A Nonsense Alphabet in Rhyme

     Were I 
mad for Amadeus, you can 
bet your bottom buck
     it's Wolfgang 
Mozart I'd adore, not Wolfgang 
Amadeus Puck.

     If of a 
Jones borne for a Butler I should 
boast, make no mistake:
     'twould be for 
Yeats (or "Wild Bill" Hickock), never 
William Butler Blake.

     When a 
Conan's whom reviewers of 
crime novels choose to feature,
     it's on 
Arthur Doyle they zero in, not 
Arthur Conan Treacher.

     I've spent 
days defending Delanos. I'd 
fain be thought the sort
to Franklin 
Roosevelt defend, not Franklin 
Delano DuPorte.

     Citing 
Ewart (as you rightly note, I 
know my statesmen well),
     it's William 
Gladstone whom I'm quoting, never 
William Ewart Tell.

     Whose 
middle name's Fitzgerald isn't 
without fail F. Scott.
     So: is he 
JFK? He might be. John Fitz-
gerald Locke he's not.

     Granted: 
'Grant' surnames Ulysses, Gogi, 
Cary, Lou and Finley...
     and's the 
mean of William Still. (There ain't no 
William Grant McKinley.)

     Will you 
hazard an opinion? I've asked 
Hazard to my party.
     Who's in-
vited? Perry! (Oliver.) Not 
Ollie Hazard Hardy.

     If it's 
Ilyich's gavottes, galliards and 
gigues that you'd be choosin.'
     choose Tchai-
kovsky's! (He don't dance, do Peter 
Ilyich Van Dusen.)

     If I 
mention J, as well I may while 
searching for my car key,

     Simple 
Simon's not my ref'rence. Nope, 'tis
Simple J. Malarkey.

     If I 
show the ol' "OK" to K, it's 
Shai Ophir to whom
     I flash that 
famous finger-thumb display, not
Shai K Rosenbloom.

     When for-
lorn, I long for Langhorne. (It's an
unrequited need.)
     But mark: I 
Samu'l Clemens miss, not Slammin'
Sam LaLanghorne Sneed.

     If it's 
Milhous mimes would mime (a dude dis-
turbed, a thane insane, he),
     Richard 
Nixon's who they fix on, never 
Richard Milhous Cheney. 

     Touting 
Nance (who's sans the laughing face), John 
Garner's whom I vaunt,
     not some plu-
pivotal Plantagenet like 
(say) John Nance of Gaunt. 

     When it's 
O I cite (in stories of, though 
likely to embarrass), 
     it's to 
David Selznick I refer, not 
David O. Sedaris. 

     Hailing 
Pierpont, it's J. Morgan I'm hal-
looing, not some meter man
     who 
monitors my gas -- and surely 
not J. Pierpont Peterman.

     Should 
"Q" head southwards from my mouth and 
should you find you've been in
     doubt I 
mean John Public -- well, I do. (I 
don't mean John Q. Lennon.)

     If 
tea you see me sip with Rice and
not some lesser crony,
     it's with 
Edgar Burroughs I imbibe -- not 
Edgar Rice O'Roni.

     When it's 
Schwenk-- all Schwenk; Schwenk all the time (the 
Brit and not the Yankee),
     William 
Gilbert's on, not William Schwenk De-
Schwenk aka "Schwenckie."

     Just whose 
middle name's 'Tecumseh'? There you've 
got me o'er a barrel.
     It is 
either William Sherman...him or 
Will Tecumseh Ferrell.

     Spare that 
girl her folks named 'Unit.' Must she 
die a gangsta rappa?
     No, not 
necessarily. Exhibit 
A? Moon Unit Zappa.

     Heard 
whining, "Thank you, Vining, but no 
thank you; I must dash,"
     I'm Arthur 
Davis thus declining, never 
Arthur Vining Ashe. 

     The 
Wilkes to whom I point in passin's 
not Miss Scarlett's swain
     but, rather, 
John Booth (Abe's assassin) -- and, Lord
knows, not John Wilkes Wayne. 

     I cite 
X the silent movie star (pre-
talkie), hoping you'll
     think, "Francis 
Bushman: he's the one." (Who's Francis
X the Talking Mule?)

     Letting 
Yipsel pass my lips, I mark no 
mediocre shmo
     but Edgar 
Harburg ("Yip"), not Edgar Yipsel 
Allen Poe, ya' know.

     And if a 
Z I race to see, it's not some 
seneschal of schlock. 
     It is, in 
fact, John Z. DeLorean. (Not 
J'hann Z. Bastian-Bach.)

"A's for Allegra allergic to nuts..." Abecedarial Allergy Allegory ala Gorey

A's for Allegra allergic to nuts.
B's for Burl's boils. (Burl's been huffin' mutts' butts.)
C's Clytemnestra. Her Nemesis...? Pollen.
Dag's dogg'd by dander. The itchin's appallin.'
Emmaline's caught the ergotamine plague.
Floyd's bane is Latex. (The source remains vague.)
G's Gioconda whose bete noire's raw wheat.
Hersch hates not soy, yet it's soy Hersch can't eat.
I is for Ilka "illergic" to fish.
Jayne's jinx...? Raw egg. Lay no egg in Jayne's dish.
K is for Kal. Milk's his fatal attraction.
Lee's bloody bee stings exact big reaction.
Maeve must avoid all prescribed penicillin.
Naps in the grass...? Nathan's flesh is unwillin.' 
O is for Oleg allergic to dust.
Poul is a mold-shirker. (Isn't he just.)
Q is for Quinton: no antibiotics.
Rodney's allergic to tsetses, though not tics.
Steffi's all stuffy. Her nose knows it's pollen.
Tartrazine causes Todd's tongue to grow "swahllen."
U is for Uta allergic to semen.
Vern discerns dust mites and's right away screamin.'
Winifred's allergies cause dermatitis.
Xavier binges on gluten -- to spite us.
Yuri and cephalosporins don't mix.
Zeke combines yogurt with ergot -- for kicks!

(RS) "Arnstein? Nicky. Aggstein? Ruin..." -Stein Song; or, Much More Than Mugs

Arnstein…? Nicky. Aggstein...? Ruin. 
Bernstein's beer stein...? (Len! What's brewin'...?)
Ben Stein...? Wordsmith. Blitzstein...? Marc. Clan-
destine...? Undercover narc.

Corrieanne Stein...? Monday's dark: she 
shan't sing "Sundays in the Park..." (She 
could sing "Subways..." -- as a lark. Her 
bite's, though, better than her bark.)

Durnstein...? Where'd we disembark...? The 
Deutschland/Danube Pay-'N'-Park.
Ep-...? Yep! Ein-...? Fine! Eckstein...? Billy. 
Eisenstein...? Films far from frilly.

Fein- and Finkle-. Fierstein…? Harv. 
Gertrude Stein. (That gal shan't starve.)
Holstein...? Hole where Schleswigs go. The 
Isaacston & Stein Fish Co.

Songs sung Styne...? A jew'l, he (Jule), 
lionized -- nor not unduly.
SS Koenigstein...? Shipp'd Jews to 
South America. (Old news.) 

Alpine...? Liechten-. Pop Art...? Lichten-. 
Barbra Streisand hadn't click'd when,
post Miss Marmelstein, fame kick'd in.

Mark Steyn...? He's a neocon. 
Nstein...? "Git yer content on!"
Ostein...? Collagen of bone. 
Oystein...? Plays a Sousaphone.

Philistine...? That's Dave's Goliath. 
Q-stein's choppers Matthews flieth.
Ruben-...? Arthur. Silver-...? Shel. 
E Street's Spring-...? (He'd '-steen' it spell.)

Economics...? Veblen, Thor-. 
Utstein...? Heart attacks it's for.
"...Lol V. Stein"...? A Duras novel. 
Wittgen-...? He of "haut to hovel"!

Ludwig's Wald- und Schiller's Wallen-...? 
Can't get up because they've fallen.
X Stein...? Pencils tres deluxe. 
Mel's "Young Franken-...? Bravo, Brooks!

Zwei-...? A freebie from the web. 
(Your "-stein" esteem: so: does it ebb...?)

Beyond the Burgess Bovine (W)

You know the noted Burgess purple cow.
You know the cow of whom one asks, 'How now...?"
You've heard of cows who leapfrog o'er the moon.
But have you ever chow'd down in Cowloon...?

You've heard of fam'lies sheltering black sheep.
You've heard of sheep one counts to fall asleep.
You've read The Lost Sheep Parable full stop.
But have you sail'd the Good Sheep Lollipop...?

Of snakes that part the grass you've heard. You've read
of snakes which Eden's Eve and Adam fled. 
"The snake has all the lines," Jean Kerr's kid said.
But what of Mailer's "...Snakéd and the Dead"...?

That straws can break a camel's back you know.
That camels through a needle's eye can't go.
That camel's, once inside your tent, won't shoo.
But do you know what work a cam'll do...?

You know that fish and visitors will smell.
You know fish out of water feel like hell.
Of fish you've heard: "There's plenty in the sea."
But can you rightly spell 'e-fish-ent-ly'...?

You speak of rats deserting sinking ships.
The phrase 'drown'd rat' has often cross'd your lips.
"You dirty rat," barks Cagney, fist a-clench.
But do you know that 'ratatouille''s French...?

You've heard of pigs who build their house of twigs.
Of bricks as well, when pigs with plans build digs.
A greas'd pig, once, you chased about its sty.
But know you why act pigmies (sic) so shy...?

You've heard of dragon's teeth and dragon's blood.
In China dragons thrived before The Flood.
You know that Puff the Dragon fairy tale.
Still, there you sit, a-dragon on that nail.*

     * A 'coffin nail' (sometimes termed a 'coughin' nail') 
refers to a cigarette (sometimes termed a 'cancer stick') 
which, because it can cause cancer, is thought of as 
a nail for one's coffin. 

Three billy goats dubb'd Gruff -- you know the three.
To get folks' goats proves easy as can be.
And scapegoats -- for your sins! -- go to the mat.
Yet, zygoats (sic) aren't goats: do you know that...?