Tillerson Tells Moron Jokes (More Drumpf Nonsense)

Why does the moron prove a dreadful head of state?
Because when just a tot the fellow's not allowed a mate.

Why does the moron daily briefings fail to study?
Because he's not a clever lad, nor's never had a buddy.

Why does the moron white supremacy defend?
Because when but a child he's reconciled to have no friend.

Why did the moron a misogynist become?
Because when he was young he never got to know his Mum.

Why does the moron fail to discipline his ego?
Because alone he's stayed; he's never played with an amigo.

Why does the moron bully, bluster, boast and bellow?
Because when yet a youth he'd grown uncouth without a fellow.

Why does the moron suffer poisonous grand mal?
Because friends were forbidden to this kid: he had no pal.

And why does the moron go through all of the above?
Because he's told, "Go for the gold! Forget the freakin' love."

Zen and Zoroaster: a Nonsense Rhyme (from AmalgaMates)

So: sprack Zarathustra? No! 'Mum' was the word.
And since nada Z uttered, 'twas nada we heard.
Proving overly close-mouthed, as still as the grave,
Z vouchsafed us no greeting -- not ceding a wave.

So: sprack Zarathus-? Nope! I deemed the dude dumb.

Z turned tacitly tongue-tied: the word remained 'mum.'

Zara's bouche bided buttoned. his pie hole stayed shut.

All channels of intercommunion were cut.

So: sprack Zara-? Nossir! Not even a whisper

(thus spurning our learning if Z were a lisper).

Z's soundlessness smacked of the uber-laconic:

no sonorous speeches; no spiels untrasonic.

So: heard we Z sounding the word of God? Nein!

Nor no word of Man neither. We'd nothing, in fine,

to display for our minding, unbinding our ears.

(Zoroastrianism's gone soft, it appears.)

Beyond Apples (A Nonsense ABC)

An apple, they say,
if ingested each day,
travels out of its way
to keep doctors at bay.

Keeping other professionals
out of one's hair
calls for alternate flora --
some, specimens rare.

Sundry veggies, fresh fruits
plus a fungus or two:
'prophylactical pommes."
(Aren't you due for a few?)

An artichoke dip
gives attorneys the slip.
A beetroot ragout
bids one's banker adieu.
Can't a cantaloupe tell
CEOs: "Go to hell"?
Do not damson plums shout,
"Dentist! Outta my mout'!"?

Curly endive tells en-
trepreneurs: "Get thee gone!"
Fresh fennel informs
financiers: "Follow norms!"
Garden greens, gently toss'd
order gen'rals: "Get lost!"
Meanwhile, haricot verts
warn head chefs: "Don't you dare."

An ice plant postpones
each investor who phones.
Sev'ral jackfruits impede
a chief justice's greed.
Can a kumquat prevent
Ku Klux Klansmen't intent?
Yes, and lychees deter
a librarian's slur.

A mango may stymie
the manager slimy.
Ripe nectarines thwart 
nurse's aides out of court.
Sweet onions will hound
obstetricians, I've found,
plus, a passion fruit wraps
up political chaps. 

A quince circumscribes 
vulgar quilt stuffers' gibes.
Raw rhubarb espies 
ev'ry repo man's guise.
One strawberry stops
senatorial fops,
and a turnip precludes
telemarketing dudes.

An ugli prevents 
most used-car-dealing gents.
Vanilla beans queer 
vets from bending your ear.
Wet watercress halts
all a webmaster's faults,
while a xiqua impedes
errant X-men's misdeeds.

A yam interferes 
with most yard engineers.
A zucchini denies 
zealous zinc-plating guys.

Produce, sun-dried or fresh.
None from concentrate...nu?
(And an apple a day 
still tells MDs: "F.U.!")

13 "On Approval" Outtakes: a Nonsense ABC (from AmalgaMates)

"You will find the dinghy by the jetty." Legendary comedienne Bea Lillie delivered this text, acclaimed as "her perfect line," in the 1944 film On Approval, but who's to say she got it on the first take?

“You will find that algae’s spoilt your buggy.”
“Don't you mind that Cugie’s dyed your doggie?”
“In a bind, Bea’s* edgy, never flakey.”
“She’s not dined. Still, Googie* hates her hoagie.”
“One might find one's itchy if a junkie.”
“I’m behind, and Kitty, too, looks logy."
“She’ll get fined if Molly puts out nookie.”
“Foodies find his orgies use pierogies.”
“Horacio signed ‘Quiroga,’ – not ‘Quirogi.’”
“They’re not blind: most ranis spurn the suttee.”
“You're behind. You're tardy, Uncle Urbie."
“Film buffs find Clive* “veddy, veddy witty.’”
“Not yet mined? X or Z…yaddi-yaddi…” 

     * Beatrice Lillie, Googie Withers and Clive Brook 
starred in On Approval. The other celebrities mentioned 
merely watched the film.

"Be baby l'homme or baby wench..." Olfactory Facts: A Nonsense Rhyme (from AmalgaMates)

Be baby l'homme or baby wench,
your baby's bum breeds babystench.
Despite the Glade, the air smells errant
all around your heir apparent.

Be baby blue or, maybe, pink,
still, baby's poo makes baby stink.
Though mater's son or pater's daughter,
baby smells unlike (s)he oughter.

Baby's yin crowns baby's yang
but can't begin to mask the tang.
Be baby bald or born with quiff,
the neighbors' called: they've had a whiff.

Some babies hide. Some babies seek.
But someone lied: all babies reek.
Your baby coos. Your baby yells.
But, breaking news: your baby smells!

"Alpha ain't for 'Al-Farabi'..." What Alpha Ain't For: A Nonsense Greek Alphabet

Alpha ain't for 'Al-Farabi.' 
Beta ain't for 'bait a hook.'
Gamma ain't for 'Gamme' Gurton,' 
her whose needle no man took.
Delta ain't for 'dealt a blow.' 
Epsilon...? It ain't for zip.
Zeta ain't for 'Say ta my José...' 
(Tho' Carmen's sure a pip.)

Eta ain't for 'ate a horse.' 
Theta ain't for 'They ta my
Jothéy...' -- like zeta just above, 
but lisp'd. (And don't you dare ask why.)
Iota...? For 'I owe da mob'...? 
Kappa...? For 'I cap a keg'...?
Lambda...? For 'lamb ta da slaughta'...? 
Nope! (Hey, would I pull your leg...?)

Mu...? Mu ain't for '"Moo" goes Bossy.' 
Nu...? Nu ain't for 'knew da ropes.'
Xi...? Xi ain't for 'Dixie Chicks.' (Those 
sicks who diss'd the Chicks were dopes.)
Omicron I'll set aside. 
Pi...? Pi ain't for 'piece o' poo.'
Rho...? Rho ain't for 'row yer boat.'
What's sigma for...? I've got no clue.

Tau...? Tau ain't for 'Tow'r o' Pisa.' 
Upsilon...? I'm sure it ain't 
for 'Oops! A lawn 'n' garden shop.' 
Phi...? Phi is not for 'Fifi, Saint.'
Chi...? Chi ain't for 'key dat Chrysler.' 
Psi...? Psi ain't for 'upsy-daisy.'
Last, omega: it's for 'grecian
formula'...or am I crazy...?

"I have crafted cryptic crosswords..." No Snarks (Yet): A Nonsense Rhyme

I have crafted
cryptic crosswords,

whistled “Dixie”
in the dark. 
Geese and ganders
I’ve steered sauce-wards.
Still, I've never
hunted snark.

Leading-edgy
with the Legos,
I’ve laid bricks to
fix my mark.
I’ve trekked T'erra
del Fuegos --
although not to
hunt the snark.

I’ve played Scrabble,
checkers, chess and
Go – in playpens,
parlors, parks.
Cheat at Go? Me?
Yes and no. But 
I have yet to
hunt for snarks. 

Have I Pit Bulls
bred with Pugs, be-
getting bites fa-a-a-ar
worse than barks?
Sure I have -- you
bet big bucks! Still,
I have never
hunted snarks.

Abe implies... -- Let's Kill 'Em -- What A's...

Abe chastises: "Slaves are men!" Let's kill him.
Martin plies his righteous pen. Let's kill him.
Lennon peace would give a chance.
Milk won't cease: he'll gays advance.
Till's caprice...? Towards white gals glance. Let's kill 'em.

Gandhi talks and walks the walk. Let's kill him.
Joe Hill balks: he's more than talk. Let's kill him. 
Guevara's rex of moral fights.
Don Bolles protects folks' civil rights.
And Malcolm X upsets us whites. Let's kill 'em.

Romero's shepherd to his flock. Let's kill him.
RFK calls crime "a crock." Let's kill him.
Tiller...? He's for women's health.
Lenin redistributes wealth.
Hey! Who's that knockin' corp'rate pelf...? Let's kill 'em.

"Slap downs! Slanders..." 5000 & Still No Downside? A Lament

Slap downs! Slanders! Lies call'd quips!
(Shall Trump's loose lips not sink his ships...?)

Defamations! Slams 'n' slimes!

Still Trump's approval rating climbs.

Dirty linens! Calumnies!

(Shall Trump be not brought to his knees...?)

Cheap shots! Smears! Aspersions! Mud!

Still Trump drones on: "Sans ME, the Flood!"

Backbiting! Wink-winks! Scandals! Dirt!
(Shall Trump's GOP sit, inert...?)
Back stabs! Libels! Sneering! Slurs!
And still Trump's obloquy recurs.

Collusion! Greed! Corruption! Hate!
Who'll rid us of this reprobate...?

(Whose schnoz surpass does Donald's nose...?

Pinocchio's! And so it goes.)     

"Meet the marriage forged in hell..." Arrivedercivanka: Terza Rimas on an Ivanka Drumpf Departure:

     "If Ivanka weren't my daughter I'd be dating her." 
-- D. Drumpf. (The parenthetical question is, of course, 
posed by Aretha.)

Meet the marriage forged in hell, 

where Daddy doubles as the groom.

The bride...? Ivanka. (Who zooms whom...?)

     "83% of Drumpf utterances are half true, mostly 
false or pants-on-fire false, and a vanishingly small 
4% are true." -- PolitiFact. (The room referenced 
is, of course, the Oval Office.) 

Detect you that mendacious smell,

that bigly el'phant in the room?

It ain't Ivanka-brand perfume.

     Regarding Ivanka's fashion line: "Go buy it 
today!" -- Drumpf spokesblonde K. Conway

Ms Conway's raison d'etre...? Hawk

chic tchotchkes from Ivanka's Loom.
The goal: Ivankanomic boom...? 

     "Nordstrom drops Ivanka brand products." 
-- The New York Times

That sound you hear's a sunset gun.
Drumpf's dumped his Kool-Aid in our Sanka.
(First off, though, let's dump brand Ivanka.)

     "Drumpf runs the US as a family business." 
-- CNBC

So: who's to thank...? The Drumpf Cartel.
("Merci" in French. In German, "danke.")
Thanks for all you've done, Ivanka.

The Chronic Ills of "Narnia": Rewriting Lewis in the Wake of Drumpf

"The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" rewritten and reissued as
"The Liar's Three Kids in the War Room"
     Synopsis:

"Prince Caspian" rewritten and reissued as
"Drumpf's Prints Are All Over the Caspian"
     Synopsis:

"The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" rewritten and reissued as
"Bon Voyage, Don, You Traitor!"
     Synopsis:

"The Silver Throne" rewritten and reissued as
"The Golden Toilet"
     Synopsis:

"The Horse and His Boy" rewritten and reissued as
"The Whoreson in Boise"
     Synopsis: 

"The Magician's Nephew" rewritten and reissued as
"The Meretrician's Son-in-Law"
     Synopsis:

"The Last Battle" rewritten and reissued as
"The Last Brat'll"
     Synopsis:

(Synopses to come: a work in progress)