Putting The Con Back In Congress

SCOTUS-stuffer Mitch McConnell 
will more damage do than Don'll,
jackin' Joe's agenda. Goniff
be the Senate's Mitch McConniff! 

                                            

Lone Star State congressman Louie B. Gohmert:

far dimmer than Fibber McGee with his "Oh...Myrt...?"
If only the Mafia's honor'd omertà
were practiced by congressman Louie Gohmertà. 

                                                               

 

Señor Sid O’Zinn’s Seventh Voyage ‘Round Archaedian Acres Retirement Village (Another Gashlycrumb Sequel)

A’s for Alexis. Lord knows what her sex is!
B is for Bryan. His budg'rigar's dyin.’
C is for Claude. Claude’s complexion is flaw’d.
D is for Don. Jogs with not a stitch on.
E’s for Edwina. (Don serv'd her subpoena.)

F is for Fritz. Keep your distance: Fritz spits.
G is for Gil. He's (quote): "Under the hill."
H is for Hugh. I'd steer clear, were I you.  
I is for Iris. Her skin’s like papyrus.
J is for Junior. There pants no prat punier.
K is for Kyle. His “How wah ya...?"…? “Sieg Heil!”
L is for Lou. Lou moons, "Mine lacks a view.”
M’s for Manchu. Moans, "More tiramisu!"
N is for Norm. Calls pornography ‘porm.’
O is for Ollie. Don’t seek to meet “Dolly.”
P is for Pearl. Spoke in tongues as a girl.
Q is for Quinlin out gatherin' "kindlin.’"  
R is for Rex. Mixes plaids, stripes 'n' checks.
S is for Sol. Never “you." Always “y’all.”
T is for Truman. ‘Bout Drumpf Tru’s still fumin.’
U is for Urban. His breath...? Most disturbin.'
V is for Vlad. False Dmitry's his dad.

W’s Walt: “It’s them Dumbocrats’ fault.”
X is for Xena. Her nose has grown leana.
Y’s for Yvonne. Bakes one wild garlic naan.
Z is for Zack. Twelve years passing for black.

...," He Said, Ernestly: 20+ Questin's (sic) or The First (Last...?) Annual 'Oscar Wilde' Nonsense Short Short Story Invitational: Potential (i.e., Oulipo-Urged) Shenanagram-Prompted Purple Prose Passages and Picture-Postcard-Painted Patois

     'Oscar Wilde': every 

anagram prompts a poetic 

plot. So...? Get on with it, 

you "potentielle" Queneaus!

O, S, C, A, R, W, I, L, D, E

A, C, D, E, I, L, O, R, S, W

A, E, I, O, C, D, L, R, S, W

C, D, L, R, S, W, A, E, I, O

A solid crew  X 

A cowl dries  X 

A crow'd isle  X 

A deco swirl  X

Air'd "Le Scow"

Air'd Lew's CO  

Alice words

Alice's word  X 

Ali's Roc Dew

Ali's Roc Wed  X

Ali! We scor'd!  X

al'ows cider

a slow recid

A word slice

Alice sword

A wordsicle  X

A row, sliced

Cold Ears, WI  X 

Cilea Sword  X

Clas'...? "Widower."  X 

Cold, I swear!  X 

C.O.D. air slew

Cried Sal: "Wo'!"  X 

CA rides low.

Car's oil...? Dew!  X

(C): A Wild Rose  X

Cora is lewd.  X

"Cor!"...? Wel' said!  X

Coward lies.  X   

Coward's lie

Cows derail! 

Crowd aisle!

Cawdor Isle  X 

Cries, "A wold!"  X 

Crowe's Dali  X

Carol's wide.

DCI Al swore.  X

Driscol' awe

DA cries, "Owl!"  X 

Dear ol' Wics:  X

Dire Slaw Co. 

Doric Wales  X

DOW's a relic.  X

De laws o' Ric  X 

DWI! Leo's car...?  X

Do eclairs w____...?

Dice...? Or laws...?  X

 

E. coli wards  X 

"'e cwasi, Lord!" 

El Cid...or was. 

Eric...? S! Aldo...? W!

"...'eld i' ascrow." 

El Cid saw Ro-...

"...ears...lid...cow!"

Erica's wold

Eric's a wold. 

Eric was old.  X

Ilsa Wecord 

Ideal crows 

I draw Cole's  X

I'd wear clo's  X

I also crew'd.  X

I do Al's crew.

I draw close.

I raced...s  l  o  w  X

Is Lear cow'd...?

I slew Draco.  X

I saw ER Doc L.  X 

I -- cold! -- swear. 

I was colder.

I lose...? Ward C!  

I scared Owl.  X 

Lear is cow'd  X  

Law code, sir!  X

Lois Cardew

Low cars die.

Low C, raised  X 

A lower disc.  X 

Le Disco War   x 

Low sidecar

Lo! Icewards!

La Screw...? Dio!

Lew...? Cora...? Sid...?  X

Oil Ace Rd., S.W.  X 

Or slaw iced  X

Old Wis'acre  X 

Ol' Deric saw.

Or, dis a clew

O, scar'd wile!

Ow! d'Arc lies!  X

(O) Sliced raw

Ow'd eclairs  X 

Or El Cid was.  X

Or El Cid saw. 

Oscar Wilde

Owl Sidecar 

 

Raid Lew's CO  X 

"Rowli**cades"  X

re: a soil'd WC  X

Reads, "Wilco!"  X 

Scrod wi' ale

Scio 'wad'ler' 

So weird, Cal!  X 

Scowler Aid

Seward Coil 

Sie World, CA  X

Sacred owl...? I...?

Sac' o' rildew  X

Sid...? Lew...? Cora...?

Sired a...clow...?  X

"Soldier...?" "WAC!"  X

So, El Cid: war...? 

Sailor, WCed

Saw roc...? Lied.

S read: "Wilco."  X

"...," said Le Crow. 

Sri de la Cow

Slower acid

Soiled craw  X 

Wade, Cloris! 

Wid' col' ears 

Worse: Cali'd!  X 

Woc lids are  X 

W card...? I lose. 

Wid' escarol'  X

Walid's core

Waldo cries  X 

Wide ol' cars  X

Waldo's rice.

W: "La...si..." "C: "Re...do!"  X

Weird colas  X

"We's cordial!"

We...? Sic Roald...?     

We'd sic Arlo. 

We soil'd Arc. 

WC read soli.     

Wide corals

Wails, "Credo..."  X

Wace is Lord!  X 
We roal'd (sic).  X

Wed Lorca...? Si!  X

Omen or The Emigre Dragomen's 24 Prognostichs: Some Nomen's Omens, Complete (4 x 3 x 2 x 1 = 24) & In Strict Dactylic Hexameters

'Ev'rything' -- nom'native singular neuter -- 

in Latin...? That's 'omne.

'Draggin' yer feet with respect to them chores, be ya...? 

Best to git on 'em     

Who got the last round of Belgians...? You say you did...? 

Next round's on me!

Land of 10,000 lakes whistle-stop, is it...? 

Oë, MN.     

Twin'd, in the southwestern desert, with Oë...? 

That's Oë, NM.

That poem of yours...? It's (like) totally nonsense! 

(Your poem's a noem.)

Who question'd Socrates, "Tell me: is arete 

teachable...?" Meno.
'New,' its m silent (remember...? It's just like 

'mnemonic'): that's 'mneo.'     

Faucets -- for bathrooms, for kitchens 'n' shower heads...

wherever: Moen.
Let me admonish, advise and explain. I.e., 

please let me mone!    

Hamlet (it's likewise a river) in Hants (read 

'in Hampshire'): that's Meon.

Norse, when compell'd to spell 'something' 

with silent Greek m, may spell 'mnoe.' 

     

French football manager born in the '50s...? 

Just one: Albert Emon.     

In "The Wizard of Oz," someone falls in a hog pen...? 

Was that Auntie Em...? No.

'Mongst abecedarial eons, which one follows L...? 

Eon M.
One of some thirty-six ancient Egyptian divisions...? 

That's nome. 

Yahoo Finance boasts a media network. 

Hire EOMN.
Domain names need regist'ring; web sites need hosting. 

And thus there is Enom.

You want height-adjustable table base tech...? 

That's electric...? Call Enmo.
Norristown Area High School Alumni 

(well, some): NMOE. 

God bless Nick Meo! Nick seeks better patient care, 

tweets @nmeo.
Tell me the name of that gas which fills tubes 

used in signs...? Is it 'neom'...?

Slumberland visitor...? Undersea vision'ry...? 

Both well-named Nemo.
Emigre dragomen's 24 portents...? 

"Amen" to each omen. 

In Handustan, Illustrated

Lord Rajher Manorbourne, explorer,
wars on foreign shores. (The horror!)
Weeks he wends au caravan
to, lately, land in Handustan. 

Lord Rajher and Russell

Says Rajher, "More's the merrier!"

So joining him's his terrier,

dubb'd Russell: one ear black, one tan.

Best friend of man...in Handustan.

Who likewise lurks at Rajher's side...?
Fist-Hugh, tann'd Handustani guide,
a whiz in Bible and Quran.
He'll quote you verse...in Handustan.

Harry ("Krishna") Fist-Hugh

 

His valet, Freitag, jack of all,

displays his many-color'd shawl.
Although he'll tell you, "I'm yer man,"
he's Rajher's man...in Handustan.

Lord Rajher's man Freitag

(More "In Handustan" to come, 

including additional images; 

a work in progress.) 

Bennett Cerf Redux or Go, West!

Of widely known Wests...? Here's a trey: 

there's Kanye, Cornel...and there's Mae.

Kanye's Rajah of Rap.
Cornel's teeth show a gap. 
And everyone understands Mae.

Of Wests...? Here's two hers and a him:

there's Jessamyn, Kimber and Jim.

Jess's novels...? Persuasive.

Kim's pictures...? Pervasive.

And everyone understands Jim. 

 

Repost: Haik You!

Haik Yous to come:

Haikubsenklibs 

Haikungfu 

Haikuiperbelt

Haikufic 

Haikurtcobain 

Haikuwait 

Haikumquat 

Haikungpao 

Haikucinich

Haikuchen

Haikudos

Haikufu

Haikugel

     Haikuneiform

Ancient Middle East.

Earliest writing system.

Logo-syllabic.

     Gilgamesh epic.

Surpassing all other kings.

Ozymandias...?

 

     Haikushner

Madame Tussaud puss.

In-law. Scofflaw. Clapperclaw.

Keeps kosher at home.

     "Mr. Ivanka."

Fail'd to pass his background checks.

Whoopee, Cushioner!

     Haikugat

Gigolo music.

Waldorf after World War II.

Cugie pens cartoons.

     Fancies chihuahuas.

"Holiday in Mexico."

Abbe...? Meet Charo!

     Haikool

Menthol cigarette.

70-millimeters.
Brown and Williamson.

     Willie the Penguin.

Filter Kings & Super Longs.

Cancer of the lung.

      Haikualalumpur

Jungle...? Meet tin mine!

‘Lumpur’...? Local word for “mud.”
Twinn'd city...? Dubai.

     Say it in Malay:

Wilayah Persekutuan

Kuala Lumpur.

     Haikublaikahn

Genghis's grandchild.

Shi ying shao jing zhi lan feng.

Spring on Fragrant Hill.

     King o' the Mongols.

Or, A Vision in a Dream.
Porlock Persona.

     Haikukla

Fran(ces) Allison,

Cecil Bill and Beulah Witch,

Ollie and Fletcher,

     Madame Oglepuss:

Kuklapolitan Players.

("Puppetry!": Putin.)

Repost: Earth From Space

She were born in Debaqqamee, Handustan,
to tough nuts (two) from Lower deBoome --

or so I’ve been given 

to understand, driven

by works from the ballpoint of Hume.

She were rais’d in Toronto, Ontario,

with a household of Canada geese

who, engulf’d (past-due bills), 
soon bequeath’d their best quills

to a paperback writer in Greece.

As a child, 'midst the mists of mid-dimnights,
when Sargassos flow iciest cold,
she would slip from her bed, 
slip her slip o'er her head
and let rip: skinny dipping (I'm told). 

Repost: The Junior Senator From Idaho...Not!

Jim E. "De Ranty"!

He can’t be shush’d, can he…?

Because, as does Dante,

perverse vigilante,
James frames the world slanty
while, like some bacchante
well-oiled on Chianti,
he pads through his shanty
(Where…? Not Ypsilanti.)
lamenting, in chanty,
1, fortunes too scanty
(like those of Tom Canty...?),
2, gigs penny-ante
(like Armand Asante...?)
3, (laws non obstante)
all obstacles anti.
Jim has to recant (he
is too Corybanty,
too Oscar Levanty,
so rarely Hugh Granty)
before, like Mame (Aunty),
he sheds bra 'n' pantie
and, gone gallavanty,
mounts one final rant:
“Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eeee…!”

Repost: Watch Out!

Watch 'ape,' a word, becoming 'bird' -- 

or 'coach-and-four' – or 'darkroom door.'
Catch 'elm,' a term, becoming 'firm' -- 

or 'gapers' block' – or 'hearty hock.'
See 'inch,' as gloss, becoming 'joss' -- 

or 'kinderdijk' – or ‘Lyle likes Ike.’
Mark 'mayonnaise,' though not a phrase, 

become ‘not nuts' – or ‘oars or butts.'
Observe as 'perm' (a hairstyle term) 

becomes 'Quran' – or 'race Ron ran.' 
Note 'stuff' (a noun) becoming 'down' -- 

or 'undersea' -- or 'VIP.'
Attend as 'word' becomes '(e)x-Kurd -- 

or 'yelp 'n' yell' – or 'Zinfandel.'
(Those language buffs get down ‘n’ dirty. 

Heads up! Best to watch the wordy!)

Repost: Judy-Su-Do-Ku

     (Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...) 

Su-Do-Ku! Su-Do-Ku!
Pseudo…? No. That’s s-o-o-o untrue!
Su-Do-Ku: all-new, a coup. 

(A-hoo! A-hoo-hoo!)
True, people choose to Su...Nu…? 

(Few refuse to Su-Do-Ku.)

Zoot suits Su. Sioux Jews Su.
Fu Manchu and Toto, too,
Su-Do-Ku. Let's Su-Do too 

(a-hoo), we two (a-hoo-hoo).
Cool dudes enthuse to Su...

forgo a cruise to Su-Do-Ku.

"So I Su! So me sue,"
broods Jude. "Who'd be you to 'pooh'…?
So, soak you! I pursue Su-Do-Ku -- 

I do (a-hoo-hoo).
All through our zoos gnus 'Su,' 

pay beaucoup dues to Su-Do-Ku."

Su-Do-Ku's apercus…?
Arithmetic! Eremetic! Whoop-de-doo!
Zut! Doh! Whew! Let's Su-Do-Ku 

(a-hoo), let's do (a-hoo-hoo).
Nope, 'taint no news Jude Sus: 

any excuse to Su-Do-Ku.

Su-Do-Ku! Su-Do-Ku!
Dr. Who Sus, Passepartout Sus, Baby Roo…
Su-Do-Kus. Let's Su-Do too 

(a-hoo). Who knew (a-hoo-hoo)…?
You got dem blues…? Eschew dem brews! 

Refuse dat booze! Youse gotta Su-Do-Ku!

Who knew yours true'ld Su-Do, too!
Alphabetic…? Nope...yet thetic! Su-Do-Ku!
Su-Do-Ku…? We'll Su a du'! 

I'm through (a-hoo-hoo).
But, 'fore I overdo, and croon "adieu!" 

(T'who…? Sue d'O'Koo…?)...

     ...I'll cope with losers' moues,
enduring pseudo-Su-Do-Kus...
     ...we've nowt but fear to lose:
just don't abuse our Su-Do-Kus…
     ...be youse Hebrews or Druze,
just form two queues for Su-Do-Kus…
     …put on those blue suede shoes
and lose those Charleston Chews…
     …peruse those bloodless coups,
the ooze of cordon bleus…
     …eschew les pas de deuxs,
pass through new peer reviews…
     …taboos and deja vus...
     …of Su-Do-Kus...
     …ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!