The Afternoon of a Megafaun: A Retrospective of Various Animalephants in Rhythmic Rhymes & Illuminations by Ulysses Poe

     

     Each pre-dawn

morn I fetch fresh fish

     from which I

fashion fancy dish-

     es offer'd

ev'nings at my three-

     star zushi-ya,        

     where's featur'd

mackerelephant 

     as well as

yellowtailephant --

    yes, even

brillephant...on fin-

    gers of fois gras.

    Agreed: good 

grassland's over-grazed.

     Still, Grant's Ga-

zellephant's unphased.

     She bobs, she 

weaves...but fin'lly

     leaves Pedjari Park.

    ('Twas sim'lar

donkey's years ago:

     she felt she'd

stay, then felt, "No, no...

     I can't decide..." --

then miss'd her

     ride on Noah's ark.)

     As sib to

slug 'n' kin to sloth

    (gross slow-mode 

Snailephants are both),

     these massive

gastropods exude               

     smears slick with slime.      

     Each bears his

home upon his back

    (a concho-

logic gunnysack...?) --

     this clam-cum-

caddisworm-cum-her-

     mit-crab...in rhyme. 

     Betusk'd bi-

pedal flightless birds! 

     One breed of

Quailephants, in herds, 

     appears most 

frequently amidst 

     those feather'd ranks.

    (Of course, more 

omnipresent still 

     are milk-white 

Whalephants, huge krill-          

     consuming

louts who lunch on snapp'd 

     sea captains' shanks.)

     Among An- 

guillidae, one next 

     Electric 

Eelephants inspects. 

     These inter-

ject their helpless 

     unsuspecting prey...

     ...with one and 

often sev'ral amps. 

     Said prey'll de-

 velop caustic cramps, 

     emit foul 

gas, then shit...then pass 

     (alas!) away.

    The Spotted 

Owlephant is not

    plu-proble- 

matical to spot.

    She's, after

all, not awf'lly 

    smaller than an ox.  

    She nests in

hollows of dead trees,

    (though none save

redwoods, if you please)

    and feeds on

mice, but big ones 

    twice the size of croc's.

 

Candidates for future stanzas:

 

The Bluegillephant 

The Camelephant 

The Seagullephant 

The Spoonbillephant 

The Cockateelephant

The Sealephant

The Bullephant 

The Gorillaphant

The Krillephant

The Godzillephant

The Foalephant

The Kangaroolephant

Shades of Big (A Dash of Nash)

    Our elephant's quite big.

 

  

     Herr Melvin Belli's elephant's belligerent and big -- 

    enough to carry 'roun' our town that very feral pig.

   

  This cellar dweller elephant is big -- quite big enough 

 (and debonaire enough), to share The Spirit of La Mer, 

  his ninety-five-foot Paris-built twin-masted, square-rigg'd brig...

 

  ...whereas Ms Keller's* elephant's quite big enough as well...

  for, tho' 'tis thought a rarity, she's careful e'er to guarantee 

  that's ever kept in best repair our fairground's whirligig...

     *Ms Helen Keller, of course.

...but enough's enough!

Early On One Xmas Morn; or, Sing a Song of Seven Sibs: a Yuletime Mime in Uly Rhyme

Imagine The Cotton Top Sanctified Singers, featuring Frankie "Halfpint" Jaxon, performing for you a holiday gospel song transmogrified by the  

alternative lyrics from Ulysses Poe which are set out below. 

     I. 

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born

In Bethle'm's barn, with yarn for floor'n,'

Well-swaddl'd in a manger's corn.

Early on one Xmas morn,

Soprano's angels roar'd, "Bu'n giorn'!

Hey! Honk that Hallelujah Horn! 

Say: let's thy rumpus rooms adorn."

     II.    

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born.

Weak wusses: weep no more, nor mourn!

Nerd naïfs need not live forlorn. 

Early on one Xmas morn, 

Tenshis* deplor'd, "Tho' native-born,

They're unicorns, we could have sworn -- 

Those thread-bare Norns seem, sadly, worn."

      * 'Tenshi' is an angel in Japan.

     III. 

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born.

Soon, Santa, Sr., named 'em: Bjorn 

'n' Li'l Jack Horner; David Corn...

'n' Elmore "Rip" Torn; Jason Bourne

'n' Stormy Daniels (femme de porn)...

...'n' Drumpf -- his golden forelock shorn --

Who proves in Santa's side a thorn.

     Have a merry Xmas...if you can keep it.

                     -- Benj. Franklin modified

On Beyond Edward: Vier ala Lear

     Up the Duff 

You who've read about Derry down Derry:
Read, instead, of Miss Carrie from Gary!
Carrie skipp'd Indiana 

and tripp'd to Savannah.
No fun run, but (yes!) necessary.

     Scary Stuff

Have you heard not of Derry down Derry...?

Plu-absurd, too's, his frere...and he's hairy:

Having cut himself shaving,

this nut now's stark-raving.

He's bleedin'! Please: heed 'n' be wary!

     Bit o' Fluff 

 You who've read of ol' Derry down Derry:

 Read, instead, of a fairy named Mary!

 Mary haunts our back garden 

 near vaunted East Arden.

(Our Mary is arrogant -- very.)

     Two's enough 

 Most who visit ol' Derry down Derry

 wouldn't miss it -- his chokecherry sherry.

 Quaff a tumbler or two:

 laughs and mumbling ensue.

(After three, even thee may prove chary.)

Plans

 Plan B...? To die young. Lo! Thou loiter'd too long.

(Burning all oeuvre save juvenilia: wrong...?)

 Plan B...? Exit early! Thou linger'd too late.

 Thou shalt die an old-timer of nine, at this rate.

 Plan A...? Eighty-six'd. Thou ne'er languish'd nor loll'd --

 thou, alas, hit the gas when thou well might have crawl'd.

 Plan A...? Down the drain. Best a lounge lizard be. 

(Does Plan B guarantee a solution...? Thou'll see...)

Carpe Diembryo! Yeggi's BEiword; or, The Names of the Roes

Epigrammist Yeggi Beaurra 

tells la dansoeuf A. Pavlova,

tells Venetian Casanova, 

tells Grand Slammer Sharapova,

tells six scientists from "Nova," 

tells paisanos near Padova... 

...even tells the God Jehovah: 

"Ya'll ain't ova till yall's '-ova(h)'."

Dilemma: A Decad of Provocative Similarities

               Orange Julius                                Orange Jesus

1. Born in a fresh fruit juice stand,      1. Born in a hospital nursery,

Los Angeles, CA, 1926.                       Queens, NY, 1946.          

2. Partly named for roamin' Jewish      2. Partly named for treasonous 

cigar-store owner from Butte, MT.        Jew done in by Roman brutes. 

3. In later years, often pair'd with       3. For years, always seen   

chocolate pastries from Dunkin.'          dunkin' Big Macs in diet Cokes.

                                           

4. Uses base of vanilla mixed with       4. Abuses male bachelor base

batches of egg whites.                        advocating white supremacy.

5. Contains no alcohol.                       5. Disdains alcoholic brother.

6. From original stand, distributes       6. Favors bleach injection for 

medicinal tonics and Bible tracts.         COVID; doesn't own a Bible.

7. In 1967, sold off to International     7. For 67 years uses layers of

House of Pancakes.                            carrot-hued pancake makeup.

8. Claims in adverts, "I'm not              8. Tells perverts, "I am your  

just your vitamin C solution."              justice; I am your retribution."

9. On top is piled a frothy shock          9. On his toupe he heaps a 

of golden spindrift.                             pile of shocking gold spindrift.

10. His century of persistence ends     10. His uncensored existence  

up a great example of adhocracy.        ushers in end of democracy. 

A Carpe Diembryo! Eggstra: Orange Jesus & M.E.G.G.A

There now arose a clutch of roes

who hated all things lawful.
They, unashamed (and M.E.G.G.A.-named),

"Make Ev'ry Good God-Awful."

A martinet they'd aid, abet:

he sov'reign power seizes.

His hands, though small, gals' pu**ies maul.

They call him Orange Jesus.

Carpe Diembryo! Two More Eggcentric Ovaviews

     Standegg 'Ova'tion

 Applause, applause

 from raucous paws.

 The reason was...?

 'Twas jus' because.

        Oval Oeuffice*

 Whose egg can you see

 nigh Herr Don's churlish blights...?

 Nuts go -- loud! -- till he's jail'd.

(Still, the fault's the far right's.)

     *Site of the roesolute desk (?)

Carpe Diembryo! A Clutch of Eggcentric Ovaviews

     Great Eggs

 

Sam Dieggo, Josegg Reggo;

roebust Jack (Egg) Leeson;

add on Ronald (né Meggdonald):

great eggs are increasin.'

*   *   *   *   *

     Lay'd Egg

Hark, "Lay'd Egg" O'd'Eiva! Hop a-

board your gelding Belle.

They'll cheer as you appear atop a

nag au naturel...? 

*   *   *   *   *    

     Hegg

Len* thought Aleggsander

posed as Carl 'n' Bob's Deep Throeat.

But chegg your Wikipedia:

Mark Felt shall get your vote.

    *Len Colodny, along with Robert 

      Gettlin, in their book Silent Coup.

*   *   *   *   *

       Eggraine

Uther's wife was Arthur's mom

and dwelt at Camelomelet,

the castle keep at royal court.

(It weren't no modest "homlet.")

*   *   *   *   *

 

       Egglebert

 Herr Humperdinck with ink 'n' pen

 an op'ra writes. What's in it, then...?

 One witch...two kids...a candy house...

(The work's conducted first by Strauss.*)

   *Richard Georg Strauss, i.e., 

     in Weimar, 1893.

*   *   *   *   * 

     Eggon 

Shiele's life...? 

A rank, impoeufect mess.

(My guess is: 

blank eggceeds quite like eggcess.) 

*   *   *   *   *

 

     Eggamemnon

 
Eggamemnon went to Troy --
but not to ride the camels:
His eggsploits artisans deploy
on antegg Greek enamels.

*   *   *   *   *

     Eggnes Moorehen 

She hits her mark. She says her line.

She's ready for her closeup.

Through early scenes, Kane's mom does fine.

Then ovoid Orson grows up.

Carpe Diembryo! A Begger's Dozen Eggcentric Ovaviews

      

     C.EI.EGG

     No top-notch incognito cop

     nor ten-o'clock teen coeufew'll stop
     this orn'ry ovoid covert op

     retrieving his sub roesa drop.

  Ceggles

  Attend this uniceggle's wheel: 

"Gol-oeuf-gol-oeuf-gol-oeu."

(That's when, wise unicegglists feel,

  bad eggcidents occoeur.) 

 

 

   

    Elleggton

    Whoe'er be headin' uptown

    should tegg the Grade A Trains.

    For years, big band jazz fans have foun':

    Sir Duke sure entertains!

        Eggdysiasts

   Some use a pole.

   Some use a chair.

   Some use a fan.

   All wind up bare.

       Homelette

   Sheggspeare's moody 

   melancholy Dane,

   a dude construed as lewd... 

   ...and quite insane.

       Eivan Dreggo

  This Roosky 

  traded jabs with Rocky.

  When he speaks,

  it's jabberwocky.

      

        Armeggeddon One

 

  "Good Lord! Jeh'ova'h's 

   Witnesses:

   Must I submit to 

   witlessness...?"

      Kegger

     Koeufoeuffle

      Poeufume

 freggrance

     ScRambo

 

     Henhenge

Let's plan a veggcation. 

Let's megg it forthwith.

I'm eagger to fathom  

the meggalith myth.

 

       SEigfried & Roey