Each night I sleep for days on end;
through Friday, Thursday, Wednesday wend.
A "sunth o' Mondays," so to speak.
(I lose, through snooze, eight days a week!)
A Doppleganger Doggerel
His all-so-readily vaunted analysis
is also Red, Ellie, Vaughn, Ted ‘n’ Alices.
A Deli Doggerel
Said the latke to the latchkey,
“I suspect those lox are salty.”
Said the latchkey to the latke,
“Do not fret! These locks aren’t faulty.”
A Dog-Eat Doggerel
The Old Guard shuns Progressives.
(At shaming they are deft.)
Progressives curse the Right Wing.
The Right Wing loathes The Left.
The Left detests the Moonies.
The Moonies hate the Jews.
The Jews despise the Sunnis.
The Sunnis dis the Druze.
The Druze -- plus all of the above
are sick to death of ISUL.
What’s more: as far as I can tell,
it’s ditto, versa visul.
A Doody Doggerel
What links Buffalo's "Say, kids! What
time is it...?" crack
and the unmuzzl'd clown's "Goodbye,
kids..." [fade to black]
has poor peanuts -- each juvenile
Jilly and Jack --
pleading, "Ple-e-e-ease! Can we have our last
thirteen years back?"
A Dogpatch Doggerel
Duple d's display Moonbeam's de-
lusional daydreams.
Still fine, Ms. McSwine ain't re-
lyin' on face creams.
A Dog-Tag Doggerel
Their tags? They wear 'em next their hearts,
nor's none so brave as Pvt. Paartz.
Save those whom Paartz in harm's way sent:
I speak of Cpl. Punnisch-Mehnt.
Or him who wields the swagger stick:
I give you Sgt. Sfleeantic.
Or him, that master of intrigue:
say "Roger that!" to Maj. Leeg.
Or him to whom's allegiance sworn:
presenting Col. "Pop" Inkhorn.
Or him who prowls the quarterdeck:
I mean Cdr. Dee Sreespeck.
Or him who signs those dread-fill'd orders:
introducing Gen. Kwarders.
What's their game? It’s "Pass the Buck."
You've re-enlisted? What the fuck!
A Dame Doggerel
Not unpleasant to know: Lady Florence.*
A new flick** Flo's fame's quickly enhancing.
From her throat soar sour notes tot'ling torrents,
sung to scores spoofing sores someone's lancing.
She'd outgrabe*** e'en Arabian Lawrence.
(Apropos, this film shows Hugh Grant dancing!)
"I did sing," sighs the fly Lady Florence,
"even tho' doubters crow how I can't sing."****
* Florence Foster Jenkins was a famously awful soprano.
*** To outgribe (past tense: outgrabe) is to emit a strange noise, or so insists Lewis Carroll.
**** A remark Lady Florence is said to have made near the end of her life.
A Salty Doggerel
Said the porpoise to the dolphin,
"Hello, sailor: Come here olphin?"
"Don't be snide," replied the porpoise.
"What's your schtick? Delicti corpoise?"
Said the porpoise to the dolphin,
"What's with you? No prick and all phin?"
Said the dolphin to the porpoise,
"Tunes you croon won't soon absorb oise."
A Quick Brown Fox And A Lazy Doggerel
Who'll dare predict? An auger’ill
(or, as herein, a blogger'll):
"A quick fox and a jogger’ill
jump o'er a lazy doggerel."
An Attack Doggerel
"And once more, dear friends, unto the breach!"
(Holy cow: how Hal* handled that speech!)
"Go!" "Geronimo!" "Charge!"
"Ho!" "Remember the Sarge!"**
(Alvin York agrees: "War bes "a beetch"!)
* Henry V in Shakespeare's entertainment of the same name.
**Ala "Remember the Alamo!", "...the Maine!" and "...the Titans!"
A Bird Doggerel
Shuffle those cardinals! Scramble those egrets!
Quick: pick a parakeet! (“Tweet!”)
Honor thy godwit and color your heron!
Then crack me a nuthatch! (Dutch treat!)
Lower your orioles! Take a few puffins!
Braid up that raven...!* (How sweet!)
Then bowl me a sparrow and gulp down a swallow!
(And lather and rinse and repeat!)
* An alternate version of Gilbert & Sullivan's "Braid the Raven Hair."
A Wiener Doggerel
I ain't tryin' to sell ya; I ain't no schlemiel.
Still, I've seen 'er, I tell ya: the wienermobile.
Made with...? Nope, not lean beef, juicy pork, tender veal,
but with orange and yellow vanadium steel.
Painted yellow and orange (not turquiose or teal:
teal and turquoise ain't tints folks think go with a meal);
yet what wouldn't I give to grab hold of her wheel
and go peelin' 'cross country! How cool would that feel!
A Daydream Doggerel
Some dreams of thee
seethe themes of brie:
each teeming, see,
with cream...or ghee.
Some dreams foresee
extremes of glee:
No screams; no plea;
no Neame's* ennui.
* Director Ronald, responsible for
"The Man Who Never Was" and other films.
"The Man Who Never Was" and other films.
Some? "Beams"* Deri-
da deems 'em. Oui!
Their schemes? P.C.**
(Psych teams agree.)
* "Emitters of light," insists French
deconstructionist Jacques.
deconstructionist Jacques.
** Psychopolitically correct if a tad
Pollyannaesque
Pollyannaesque
Some dreams of thee,
it seems to me,
from streams* are free.
Be memes their key?
* I.e., stream(s) of consciousness
A Druthers Doggerel
Twins Cellobash and Callabone
has each a different mother!
Both be, if't please, anomalies:
i.e., not t'other's brother.
By each, in fact, each’d be attacked
with speech -- lacked each his druther.*
* That druther being, in the case of both brothers, to attack his respective,
if disrespectful, "alter egg" with whatever larkspur
limb or lapis-lazuli'd lodestone might come readily to hand.
